Welcome to 20min coaching pills. In 20min you can redesign something profoundly big, excruciatingly scary or eye-wideningly wonderful. We donโ€™t need more than that. Actually we advise you to STOP after 20min! Out of this exercise: Take what you get. So grab a timer and off we go!

You are wanting to get rid of some serious confusion?

Here’s something for you!



This is for you if you…

  • are confused between two or more options
  • are generally confused about what to do next or how to act
Read the instructions. Get pen and paper. Get a timer. 


How to take this Coaching Pill

On your sweet little empty piece of paper, answer this:

What am I actually confused about?

Use the following format: 

I don’t know… 

[for example:

  • … if I should do x or y. 
  • … how to go on or what the next step is.
  • … how to accomplish xyz.
  • … who to ask xzy. Or: Where to find information on xyz.
  • … why I can’t just do xyz. Or: What keeps me from just xyz.
  • … what I want – like generally.
  • … who I am. 
  • …]


Do we have to mention that the more concise your question, the more easily answers will come to you? Probably not. 

Now brainstorm and write down: 

What are the scariest things that could happen if I found clarity?

At the end of this step pick the 1-3 scariest things.

As this potentially a weird thing to wrap your head around, here are some examples: 

I am confused about… And the scariest thing(s) to happen if I wasn’t confused any more is that…
what I am passionate about enough to make it the centre of my career
  • I’d maybe quit my job without knowing what to do next.
  • I actually have to DO the thing I am secretly passionate about (but not willing to admit)
  • I’d have to face being afraid of believing that “I am actually good enough” (#scary)
whether I should stay in or leave my relationship
  • I’d hurt someone (either my partner or myself or both)
  • I’d have to overcome the embarrassment and shame I feel when I voice my own needs
who I am
  • I’d find out that I am numbing myself for a long time already and have lost my inner compass
  • I’m full of pain and there is a long way of healing in front of me
  • I have never really lived (or: not lived for a long time)

We hope you get the general idea.


In our experience: We are never REALLY confused.

Deep inside we all secretly know what we want.

However if the feelings coming up upon voicing our needs/wants/hopes are uncomfortable, confusion is a beautiful psychological immune system that protects us from having to experience these feelings. 

Most of the time: 

Confusion masks fear. 

The fear of doing something 

Or the fear of certain consequences of us doing something. 


So often times in order to listen to the subtle tones beneath, we have to deal with the fear of what potentially might happen if we were NOT confused. 

It’s a beautiful d-tour. 

Try it out. 

How do we solve this? By understanding what fear REALLY is. 

In our society fear is seen as something bad, something that needs to be overcome. Something that holds you back. Whilst this is not always wrong, it definitely isn’t always true. 

What is fear was a good thing, actually: A wonderful thing?

As a matter of fact: Fear is this beautiful magnification glass which enlarges potentially small things that you subconsciousness believes to be dangerous and brings them to your attention. Fear points you towards the things your subconsciousness believes are at risk of being overlooked. 

Fear asks you: What should I pay attention to more?

Sure, you can complain about your subconsciousness being annoying to see things as dangerous which potentially aren’t as dangerous in the real world (or: Which your rational part doesn’t WANT to be so dangerous after all). 

But: If your rational mind and your emotional parts of the brain played against each other, the emotional parts (aka your lymbic system) would always win. So whether or not you want it: You will be steered by your subconsciousness. 

And it is smarter to listen to it and respond to its needs rather than to work against it. 


So how do we hack that fear? Ask yourself:

The 1-3 things that are so scary – what do they want me to pay attention to?

Just brainstorm and ideally come up with the main 1-3 thing(s) fear wants you to look at more closely.

For instance:

I am scared that… … then the thing fear wants me to pay attention to could be that…
I’d maybe quit my job without knowing what to do next I should actually make a solid plan BEFORE I quit anything.
I’d hurt someone (either my partner or myself or both) I need to be extremely mindful of trying everything I can before any decision is made 

I could try to learn – not just with my head but also with my body – that the more I hurt the more it means I truly loved someone and vice versa. So that we both understand that we haven’t been hurt on purpose, but because we love each other so much.

I have never really lived I actually DO want to live again but that the space in which I want to re-discover my emotions needs to be extremely safe and run by professionals (therapists/ professional coaching or retreats).


Sometimes the answer doesn’t come immediately. Sometimes you will also revise your question. This is a beautiful process. You will understand yourself better and better.


By now you should have answers to the following three questions on your piece of paper:

What am I actually confused about? (I don’t know… [what you are confused about])

What are the scariest things that could happen if I found clarity?

The 1-3 things that are so scary – what do they want me to pay attention to?


So now it is time to listen attentively. To what is coming up. What subtle but real and potentially exciting sensations, what feelings, what words and phrases, images and memories from the past or the future are coming up when you finish the following phrase: 

I am not confused. I know what I really want is… [finish the phrase in 1 sentence].


Potential side effects and possible cures

  • A feeling of “WHOA! – That is some serious sh**!”
  • A lot of homework!
  • A glimpse of: “Holy moly! If only I got started….” (You always can! We are The Arc after all)
  • Love yourself
  • Complete the homework
  • Get a coach! DO IT! (and let us know if you did!)
  • Join one of our events on The Arc and get more amazing stuff like this


Start your timer N.O.W.


Now that you have read through all steps, take your pen, paper, stop watch and actually do the exercise.

After the timer is finished: Your pill is now working.

Let it sink in.

Understand that you are powerful.


That’s it!

Like more of this stuff? Get real and join us for a crazy ride of a life time:

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With light,