Today talking about my work makes me ecstatic. The teams that have been formed through Arc, the impact that the project has, the community that has emerged out of it – even all the pain, sweat and tears that are coming with it these days give me a deep sense of fulfilment.
Doing what feels right made me call the world home. It’s what gives me direction if all else fails. A direction that cannot be taken away. A sense of safety deeper than financial stability can provide.
The uncomfortable feeling that accompanies this (admittedly) very comfortable state is: Grief.
I grieve that I THOUGHT I had to put up a fight to follow my passion.
I feel sad that I didn’t dare to take my own happiness serious enough as a criterium in the decision of how I should spend my life.
I feel sad that I believed my passions to be „not cool“ or „not worthy of implementation”.
I grieve that I didn’t dare to take my own happiness serious enough as a criterium in the decision of how I should spend my life.
I grieve that I believed my passions to be “not cool” or “ not worthy of implementation”.
Grief tell us: What should I let go?
Let go the idea that you are confused about what you want.
Our gut is usually clear. But sometimes we don’t like the answers that are coming up when we sincerely feel into ourselves.
But what we fail to see:
Our deepest feelings tell us our strongest longing.
What – instead of suppressing them – we would bring them up and make them our compass?
For years I felt that I was only worthy when I perform top of class at uni, later at my first job. When I am continuously ranked top 10% anywhere. And when I buy a big house with 10+ rooms and a Mahagoni door. I had my own story of what a “fulfilled life” means.
And I ignored that what I really love is: being a beacon of joy, bringing more love and courage into the world.
Instead of being openly joyful, I suppressed my joy thinking it was too childish.
Instead of being loving, I ignored my capacity to hold people in their deepest pain and help them heal themselves.
Instead of being courageous myself, I thought it was necessary to perform and beat other people’s expectations.
The moment I started to make my biggest longing my compass my universe changed.
I stopped being ashamed of being childish and understood that being joyful is a direct ticket to happiness.
I stopped hiding my wish to connect, feel others, be seen in my vulnerability and – whoops – found myself surrounded by people who would give me exactly what I needed.
I stopped pretending to be happy in the route others defined for me and considered the possibility of having more choice of the outcome of my destiny than I thought I had. The fulfillment I derive from this radical decision you can read in the first lines of this article.
It breaks my heart to think back that I was hiding my longing for years. Whilst everything I should have done was to get it out from that dark closet and put it directly in front of me, let it guide my way.
So here’s a question for you:
What are YOU hiding? Pretending to not feel? And what is the longing that – if dragged into the light and if met – would make your life ecstatic?
#just think about it a while