Welcome to 20min coaching pills. In 20min you can redesign something profoundly big, excruciatingly scary or eye-wideningly wonderful. We don’t need more than that. Actually we advise you to STOP after 20min! Out of this exercise: Take what you get. So grab a timer and off we go!

This is for you if you…

  • are envious. Of someone’s job/work/profession/career. (Although it will work for other areas in your life, too).

You might envy that real or imagined person for:

  • Making more money
  • Having more impact, more opportunities for growth
  • A better lifestyle (or: a cooler everyday work life) or
Read the instructions. Get pen and paper. Get a timer.

How to take this Coaching Pill


Do your research!

You are probably reading this because you experience envy as a source of pain.

What likely causes your “envy-pain” is you experience a gap between your perceived reality and a deep expectation of yours.

There are two ways people typically deal with this:

One is acceptance.

If you fully accept your situation, you stop fighting to fulfill your expectation. You let go of the attachment that is at the root of your uncomfortable feeling.  By eliminating the cause for your pain, your pain disappears. Simple as that. Sometimes this process is referred to as “healing”.

The other one is to keep fighting.

This means you haven’t yet let go of your attachment. Or in other words: you haven’t given up hope. You love your expectation and you probably have good reasons for doing so. Your reason might well be: that you have a veritable chance to actually fulfill your expectation aka dream/vision/wish/aspiration or: potential!


If your brain is convinced that you have either the chance or the right (!) to succeed, it will be hard to let go. And maybe stupid.

In that case, think of your pain as the feedback kindly delivered to you by your body to signal: What you REALLY want is to do something about your situation!

I repeat: What you REALLY want is to do something!

Think of your envy as precious pain just like in this song:

Now that you know that your envy just points you to WHERE and HOW you have to do something, take your piece of paper and write down your answers to these questions.

Bonus tip: Be quick! Your feelings will likely surface fast. But if you wait long with your answers, you head will likely come up with stories that will cover what is really happening.

A) What are you MOST envious of? (Be as specific as you possibly can be!)

B) What about that is important for you? (Articulate your biggest longing!)

C) How do you perceive your current situation? What about that makes you feel uncomfortable? (Become aware of your perceived reality!)

For each question, brainstorm some points.

Brainstorm. Then summarise each answer in ONE OR TWO WORDS!

Look at these three words and answer the question:

On a scale from 0 to 10 how much happiness do or would you experience if you imagine living your life in each of these states?

If I had ____ [1-2 words from your answer to question A)] in my life, I would experience ____ [put here 0 for no happiness, 10 for massive happiness].

If I had ____ [1-2 words from your answer to question B)] in my life, I would experience ____ [0-10].

If I had ____ [1-2 words from your answer to question C)] in my life, I would experience ____ [0-10].

Transform your envy. Gracefully. Joyfully.

Look at these three numbers.

The second number is…

…the most important one. That is your hope aka your dream/vision/wish/aspiration and most of all:


The first number is…

…what your BRAIN thinks is the closest practical result that would happen, if you manifested your hope in real life. Often time this number is lower than the second number.

The third number is …

..your perceived reality.

Here’s how you calculate your expectation gap and your potential in percent (#notkidding)

Your expectation gap is the DIFFERENCE between WHAT YOU WANT and WHERE YOU ARE AT.

Or: WHAT YOU WANT minus WHERE YOU ARE NOW. Here’s how you calculate this:


[second number or “what you want”] – [third number “where you are now”] = [your absolute expectation gap]

[your absolute expectation gap] / [third number] x 100 = [your potential improvement in percentage points]

Your answer represents the inspiration you can take from your envy.

Let’s say I am envious of my friend Marc.

My answer to… The short answer in 1-2 words would be… Happiness level 0 (:-()  to 10 (:-))
Question A) I am envious of the fact that he is wayyy more passionate about his job than me. “GREAT CAREER” If I had a “GREAT CAREER”, I’d be at 7 out of 10 happiness points.
Question B) What is important for me about a “great career” is that I’d feel like I have a real purpose. That gives me this beautiful feeling where I call the world home. “BELONGING” If I had “BELONGING”, I’d be at 9 out of 10.
Question C) I currently perceive my current situation as… not terribly bad, but… not cool either. My is good but not great. Yet, in terms of purpose I haven’t arrived yet. I feel like I am lost. “LOST” Now that I am “LOST”, I am 3 out of 10.


Calculating my expectation gap:

Expectation gap
[second number] – [third number] = [my absolute expectation gap]

9-3 = 6

[my absolute expectation gap] / [third number] x 100 = [my potential improvement in percentage points]

6/3 x 100 = 2 x 100 = 200 percentage points i.e. 200%


In short:

My body thinks that there is a 200% improvement if I realise my potential versus staying where I am.


If that is no inspiration, please tell me what it is.

Heal your pain by understanding what this fluffy stuff means – like… practically.

Now ask yourself:

  • What am I doing (consciously or maybe unconsciously) – to create exactly the reality I am trying to avoid.
  • What is the person I am envious of doing differently?
  • Write down approx. 3 things for each question.

From these three things, set yourself a homework or an intention.

Now summarise!


I want _______ [your 1-2 words from question B)] and ________ [your 1-2 words from question A)].

This means a ______ % betterment of my life. (This is if you have calculated your expectation gap ;))

I will ______ [your homework or your intention].

Potential side effects and possible cures

  • A feeling of “WHOA! – That is some serious sh**!”
  • A lot of homework!
  • A glimpse of: “Holy moly! If only I got started….” (You always can! We are The Arc after all)
  • Love yourself
  • Complete the homework
  • Get a coach! DO IT! (and let us know if you did!)
  • Join one of our events on The Arc and get more amazing stuff like this

Start your timer N.O.W.


Now that you have read through all steps, take your pen, paper, stop watch and actually do the exercise.

After the timer is finished: Your pill is now working.

Let it sink in.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Smile.

Know that you are alive.

And that everything is fine.


That’s it!

Like more of this stuff? Get real and join us for a crazy ride of a life time:

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With light,